 | ‘Scopes
Thursday March 30th 2006, 1:26 pm
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The first half done by the glorious FW, the second half done by that guy PJ.
Aries 3/21-4/19 Guys, don’t have sex with any random girls this week. I know that it might be hard for some of you out there, and probably easy for some of you. I have two words for you: FW Jr.
I learned the hard way.
Taurus 4/20-5/20 When they say, “I bet you cant just eat one,” you should take that bet. Trust me you dont need it, tons of fun.
Gemini 5/21-6/21 Guys, you know what is coming, so I don’t even need to say it. Eh might as well. Dude, fuck this week. Except M-Dogg who owes me 20 fucking bucks. You know what? This week is going to be totally awesome, except M-dogg. M-dogg, fuck this week.
Cancer 6/22-7/22 Last week, PJ said you guys were going to get cancer, because well he is a fucking idiot. You didn’t get cancer last week, did ya? And this week will be no different… except you will get cancer.
Leo 7/23-8/22 Eat all you want to, and rub it right in the face of all Tauruses you see. Then fuck with every aries you see. Tease them sexually all you want to. Just to fuck with them.
Virgo 8/23-9/22 Change your name. To what, you ask? Good question. Better answer= Max Powers. Isn’t that fucking powerful? Max Powers. You guys might be asking “what about girls?” Like vaginas actually read this site. If they do, ummm…wanna like do it?
PJ continues on with the assumption FW has just sent our last vagina who visits this site packing.
Libra 9/23-10/22 Punch any Leos that come near you.
Scorpio 10/23-11/21 This week you will be stung/bitten by a scorpion. Sorry.
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21 Don’t you just like saying the word “Sagittarius?” Just go around this week telling as many people as you can that you’re a Sagittarius. Good things are bound to happen. You might get you a little vagittarius, if you know what I mean.
Capricorn 12/22-1/19 You better vote for American Idol.
Aquarius 1/20-2/18 I think this might be the week that you guys escape from the lumbering machine as it slowly and methodically hunts you down; its tracks leaving railed imprints in the dew-soaked hill’s muddy grass, and run straight into a tank.
Pisces 2/19-3/20 This week you will fall deeper in love. What? These don’t always have to try to be funny. Okay…fine. Lord Byron.
Welcome to the Random Thoughts of FW.
I don’t mean to be an asshole or anything, but what was the last thing a woman invented?
Maybe this makes me less of a man, but for my money nothing beats febreze for good smells in one’s house.
Why the fuck are buffalo wings so fucking expensive?
Ebay sells everything, except vaginas.
I saw a guy yesterday while walking around. Never seen him before in my life, but I am 100 percent sure that he was a Mormon. And probably still is.
Is it weird to jerk off to something called the Man Show??
Unpossible= The next MSN
Febreze= Fucking amazing
Reebok CS-1 Pedometer
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List Price: $14.99
Price: $8.99
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THIS PEDOMETER ROCKS! OH MY GOD!
I just can’t believe how much this pedometer kicks ass! I was going to get the Nike pedometer, but SCREW NIKE! THIS PEDOMETER ROCKS HARDER THAN ANY OTHER ON THE MARKET! BUY IT! NOW! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEBOKKKKKKKKKK!
DO
This guy’s style is so airtight you could slide him on your dick and use him as a condom. Fuck all those people that are making a big deal about the ‘stache coming back, but damned if it isn’t. Oh. And don’t get all hypothetical on me and say that sliding him on your dick means you’re sexing him. You don’t fuck a condom do you? Besides, even if it were the case, would you really mind sexing this work of art? It’d feel as good as hate fucking this.
DON’T
“Doesn’t wearin’ this uniform just make you want to give the younger scouts a little jerk sometimes? What? Oh, me neither. I was just sayin’…”
Why doesn’t someone just fucking kill her.
Unpossible= The next MSN
Joan Rivers= Tales from the crypt
Pablo and I have decided to team up on some horoscopes this week. PJ did the first half. So here ya go.
Aries 3/21-4/19 When you’re out in public, don’t be afraid to fart. This is the week where you can get away with letting a little air out when you think you’re alone and no one will show up right after.
Taurus 4/20-5/20 I’m just really tired of trying with you guys. One week you guys are on top of the world, and the next you’re sucking dick for sugar (it’s not even crack with you guys!) Frankly, I’m ready to give all my insight to the Geminis. Yeah. The Geminis.
Gemini 5/21-6/21 Dude, fuck this week. Except M-dogg. Haaaaaa…you thought.
Cancer 6/22-7/22 I’ve never thought this would come up, but this week you guys are actually going to GET cancer. I know. Weak. But what did you expect, really?
Leo 7/23-8/22 You guys are so clueless this week, Alica Silverstone, Brittany Murphy, and the black girl are going to be following you around saying shit like “You are so Monet you certainly won’t be doing any jeepin’ this week.” RU FI OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Virgo 8/23-9/22 Looks like you need to unass some o’ dat chute.
And now it is time for the FW to take over baby. Time to bring it on home.
Libra 9/23-10/22 It has been a while since I updated about my own perfect sign. And I am sad to say that this week is bad for us. With all the Aries farting up a fucking storm it is time for us to do our part and conserve. Don’t fart unless you have to. And you know what I mean by have to. If you have any questions, I leave them up to your judgment.
Scorpio 10/23-11/21 Dumbass PJ with his Cancers getting cancer probably would have said that you guys would get bitten by a scorpion. How original? Oh wow how fucking creative? Wow cancers get cancer, wow. What a fucking super-genius that guy is.
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21 Don’t you hate PJ?
Capricorn 12/22-1/19 Make this retro week guys. Instead of wearing your contacts go back to your glasses. Then sit back and watch “I love the 80′s” By the way, who are those fucking people they get to comment on there? Where did those people come from? Fuck those people. But hey you look cute in glasses.
Aquarius 1/20-2/18 I hate to bring bad news to fine people such as yourself. But I gotta tell you something. This week is going to be full of hardship. You will get fired from work, then find out your boss is banging your spouse. You will get a flat tire, then a bear will come out of nowhere and bite you. But through it all, remember tanks baby. Tanks.
Pisces 2/19-3/20 This may be the biggest week of your fucking lives. This week everything will happen for you, and all you gotta do is. . . I forgot, so umm nevermind.
Unpossible= The next MSN
PJ= A fucking idiot, cancers getting cancer?
This is one of the funniest things I have seen on SNL since the last rap they did. Then you add to the fact that I am in love with Natalie Portman. Best quote from this. “Yo shut the fuck up and suck my dick”- Natalie Portman. So click it now.
Portman Rapping Bitches
Unpossible= The next MSN
Natalie Portman rapping= Sexiest thing I have ever seen
DO
Do I really need to say anything? I mean really.
DON’T
You’d be surprised just how small the percentage of people with a fetish for corpse gondola rower really is. It’s right behind homosexual bearded lady (how would THAT work?) and just ahead of inflationary furry vore.
It is my pleasure to introduce the newest writer to the Unp0ssible fold. We tend to have trouble keeping people around because we are awful, awful people, but God has a good feeling about this one. Everyone, meet Encyclonydia.
She brings with her a brazen attitude, daring nature, and cocky stride straight from that picture I just showed you. Her experience as a Tuskeegee airman is sure to prove valuable to us all. Please make her feel at home.
(That means you can poop anywhere on the floor you want.)
