 | Dead
Thursday January 26th 2006, 9:12 am Filed under: Funny |
Well I am moving and getting my car, and well doing actual stuff in prep of my job. So Fellowwalken will be dead for about a week. PJ and Hipstang will fucking represent for me baby. Yay Baby!
 | Tanks for Nothing
Monday January 23rd 2006, 11:58 pm |
I’ve recently come to the realization that FW is a zodiaist. He discriminates against Aquariuses for their affinity for tanks and all things tank related. I will not stand for such disregard for persons of human persuasion in the archives of Unp0ssible. I will not stand for this. I’m going to sit down right now. (I can type while standing.)
 | Party of None
Monday January 23rd 2006, 12:24 am |
Wow…this is embarrassing. Good thing we didn’t throw a real party.
I’m utterly amazed that not one single person showed up. Not even our own writers. I think that may be the funniest thing we’ve ever done here on Unp0ssible. Unintentional. But funny.
So what was it? Is it that you don’t think God can throw a good party? Is that it? Well, I’ll have you know that God’s parties are the best. Satan? His parties are all about trying to compete with mine.
| Unp0ssible Party 1/20/06
Friday January 20th 2006, 8:14 pm Filed under: Funny,Unp0ssible Party |
Briefly tell us about yourself, and not so briefly tell us your deepest desires.
I’ll start. My name’s God. I like puppies and smiting. I think my deepest desire is probably to find out the meaning of life. You’d think I had a great plan for all of this. I mean…I do! I do have a great plan for all of this.
I’d be happy to elaborate to anyone who’s interested.
 | The most fun you can have with your clothes on…
Thursday January 19th 2006, 11:26 pm |
Ok so i know im supposed to post a humorous conversation on Fridays… and although that sounds like a backout statement, it isnt… this week i will forgo the funny convo, but instead tell you about so crazy awesome shit the transpired at work yesterday…
So im getting a promotion at work, to a Loss Prevention Guy or something, and yesterday the Regional Director was at my store (Hollister)… and so to impress him i thought i would catch a shoplifter… you know to show him my skills… but some shit went down that was even-fucking-better…
So hispanic dood walks into the shop, had to have only known like 60 words in English (which is amazing, and you will find out why shortly), so dood walks in and bro just looked like he was gonna steal… so i have my eye on him for like 25 mins and all he gets is 2 necklaces and a t-shirt and walks to the back of the store, since i was supposed to stay in the front i couldnt follow him, but i tell LP guru to follow him…
Sure enough not but 5 mins later dood comes walking back to the front with a bag from our store, like he is leaving… so im like shit i was wrong… then when he walks thru the door homeboy beeps like a motherfucker… LP Regional guy says he will handle it… so long story short… I GOT A GUY DEPORTED… yea that mother fuckers visa ran out like 4 years ago… he was been here for 5 fucking years and knows 60 words… even better he got DEPORTED, dood isnt welcome back EVER because he tried to steal two necklaces in his American Eagle bag…
So i dont know how many of you have DEPORTED someone… but its fucking invigorating, if you ever get a chance, fucking up on that shit… So now i look badass in the eyes of my new boss and i deported my first illegal… im stoked…
-hit the road jack
| Big Momma’s House 2
Wednesday January 18th 2006, 10:44 pm Filed under: Funny |
All I gotta say is: Why?
How haven’t they figured out that motherfucker is a man for two movies?
| Ask and Ye Shall Receive
Wednesday January 18th 2006, 10:00 pm Filed under: Funny |
What all plastic men think about.
| Hmmm
Wednesday January 18th 2006, 12:56 am |
| FW’s Random Thoughts
Wednesday January 18th 2006, 12:30 am |
Its time for what? Muthafucking random thoughts.
When people say, “Nothing hurts more than a paper cut.” I just look at them like they are fucking stupid. We all know that nothing hurts more than a paper cut on the genitals. Wait that proves it.
Burger King commercials with the King on them, are both thrill and terrify me.
If I walk past a large group of black men, they all seem to stop talking and stare me. Why is that?
When the fuck are you supposed to use commas?
Does anyone actually keep up with those one a day calendars for the whole fucking year. I usually get to March and lose it.
You ever notice that most people that drink Coronas are wearing dockers.
Tricycles cant even save you if you drive a bike drunk.
Unpossible= The next MSN
Hey, guys how, the fuc,k you doing?= Commas used incorrectly
| Bballin’, Shot callin’… Trip fallin’
Tuesday January 17th 2006, 4:34 pm |
With football season coming to an end, and only four teams no one really likes left in the mix (at least the Patriots are out), the focus shifts to basketball. And when you watch Kobe pull up for that jumper, Lebron throw down his tomahawk, or AI put up 40 something points and still lose, you’re going to want to get out and do some dribbling on the old basketball yourself. It’s only natural. Don’t be embarrassed. So here are my tips for success if you find yourself challenged to a game of 1 on 1.
1. Don’t let your opponent use his own balls - First of all, you should be playing with a basketball anyway. Okay, I’m so sorry for that joke. But seriously. You’re not very good so you need every advantage you can get. The last thing you need is to have his ball slip out of your hand because you’re not used to the grip.
2. Don’t be afraid to get physical – You know how sometimes when you play against someone for the first time your game is just entirely off and you start to say things like “What the fuck? I’m not this bad” and the guy doesn’t say anything but you know he’s thinking “Sure, buddy”? Well that’s because you’re not going balls out against this person so you’re out of your comfort zone. Drop your shoulder into him on your next drive to the basket. If he whines about it, pick up your Gatorade and your ball and leave. He’s not for us.
3. Don’t try new shit out on this person – Now’s not the time to see if you can do a 360 reverse lay-up. Not only will you lose, you’ll look like Kwame Brown and Keith Van Horn’s love child. Besides, you’re not trying to impress this person, you’re just trying to beat them. It is okay however to try out something you’ve actually practiced that has worked for you to see if you can pull it off in the heat of a game. But nothing too crazy. Try out your Garnett shoulder shake out of the post and fade away. It’s kinda hard to fuck that one up anyway.
4. No matter what happens, be a good sport - Always shake hands and tell him it was a good game even if you demolished the guy despite missing a few shots on purpose. More importantly, if you lose even after you follow these tips, don’t take the ball and punt it. Do you like giving blowjobs to strangers? Don’t give him that satisfaction.
If you follow these instructions, you’ll be well on your way to ”crossin’ up niggas” and busting a j in one’s “eye.” Good luck and good night.