Well Unpossible is back, and it is a whole new year. Therefore Fellowwalken is here to give you Fellowwalken’s Top 10 New Year’s Resolutions.
1= This year I resolve to stop talking about Fellowwalken in the 3rd person.
2= This year I resolve to perfect my new sexual position. The Jew-Maker.
3= This year I resolve to go at least 3 days without committing a felony, not three days in a row mind you. Just overall.
4= This year I resolve to only use urinals that have walls around them. The temptation to look and compare is just too great.
5= This year I resolve to only have one 5th resolution.
5= Fuck
6= This year I resolve to give those Vikings from the Capital One commercials a job. Just so I don’t have to see those fucking commercials anymore.
7= This year I plan to tell the man I love the truth. . . . . . . PJ we need to talk. Hipstang we need to talk. Hey John if you read this site, we need to talk.
8= No more Coke. Guess which one.
9= This year I resolve to actually update on my days.
10= This year I resolve to finish my New Year’s resolutions for next year. Instead of running out of ideas at 9 resolutions. Then being forced to use this tired joke about having my 10th resolution being about how i ran out of ideas.
Unp0ssible= The next MSN
New Year= Better site
So what has happened isnt the death of Unpossible. We have just decided to do some new shit with the site. Mainly because we think our product is better then how many people have been reading. 4 readers just isnt enough for the gold we are spitting, yo. Therefore on January 1st we will be back with regular updates.
DO
Now this is not an uncommon sight. A DON’T spying on a DO and contemplating trying to bite his style (usually they go overboard and actually eat the style). So you’ve got the guy on the keys who didn’t even care that he was going to a Halloween show so he just picked up a cheap tie on the way there just doing his thing and feeling the music. Then you have the guy who overcompensated for his crapulence looking at him trying not to bash him with his guitar in a jealous rage. Not since Kevin Spacey in Se7en has someone worked so hard to end up personifying envy. I don’t think anything I could say would do the DO more justice than that.
DON’T
You thought that the Lord of the Rings trilogy was all good and nothing negative came out of it. Fucking wrong. Now Sméagol-looking mother fuckers are coming out in public in full force with a general disregard for your eyeballs. They go to the club all naked and gangly, and they are the razor blade in Un Chien Andalou.
DO
What’s the difference between a regular corndog and your magical, French dogs on a stick?
“Well, I dunno, Jimmy. Maybe it’s just that they’re made of the finest processed sweetmeats all slipped into a pixie dust encrusted casing, then wrapped in the sexiest of cornbreads. Or maybe it’s that extra bit of love I squirt into every batch of batter.”
My money’s on the love.
DON’T
Dude…all I gotta say is that if she’s got you dressing in tandem, it better be because your sexual chemistry involves so many bonds that you have to dress together. Otherwise, you need to reclaim your “COLLEGE” T-shirt and jeans otherwise known as your dignity. Wait…nevermind about that “COLLEGE” T-shirt.
So in light of the Simpson-fest that made up the Scope’s… i decided to put in a few of my favorite convos from Family Guy…
Peter: “Ok Callaghan. If you don’t put ‘Gumbel 2 Gumbel’ back on the air then I’m going on a hunger strike. That’s right. A hunger strike. Think you can live with that on your conscience?
‘They look at each other nervously’
Peter: “You gonna eat that Stapler?”
Callaghan: “Well, you can’t eat a Sta…”
Peter: “Wanna split it?”
[Peter running home after he wins the contest to tour the brewery, then trips and falls on his knee on the sidewalk]
Peter: “HHhhhhhhsssssssssssss ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
HHhhhhhhsssssssssssss ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
HHhhhhhhsssssssssssss ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
HHhhhhhhsssssssssssss ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
HHhhhhhhsssssssssssss ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
HHhhhhhhsssssssssssss ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
HHhhhhhhsssssssssssss ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh”
Heck that last one wasnt even a convo… oh well…
the poor groomsbride is a whore
Here are your horoscopes but with a little twist. They will all be Simpson’s quotes!!
Aries 3/21-4/19 “Homer: You know, when I was a boy, I really wanted a catcher’s mitt, but my dad wouldn’t get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. [cheerily] The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
Bart: Dad, what’s the point of this story?
Homer: [cheerily] I like stories.”
This means that this week you will get brain damage.
Taurus 4/20-5/20 “I kinda ran over his dog. Well, replace the word “kinda” with “repeatedly,” and replace “dog” with “son.”-Lionel Hutz
Let’s just say don’t drive at all this week.
Gemini 5/21-6/21 “Homer: You suck”
I am not sure he has, but I assume Homer has says that. Dude fuck this week.
Cancer 6/22-7/22 “Homer: He has all the money in the world, but there’s one thing he can’t buy.
Marge: What’s that?
Homer: (pause) A dinosaur.”
Your financial situation is about to be great.
Leo 7/23-8/22 “Homer: God, if you really are God, you’ll get me tickets to that game.
[doorbell rings]
Ned: Hidely-ho, neighbor. Wanna go to the game with me? I got two tick –
Homer: [slams the door] Why do you mock me, O Lord?
Marge: Homer, that’s not God. That’s just a waffle that Bart tossed up there.
[Marge scrapes it off into Homer's hands]
Homer: I know I shouldn’t eat thee, but — [bites] Mmm, sacrilegious.”
Maybe it is time to go church buddy.
Virgo 8/23-9/22 Lisa: I like him! He’s smart, he’s sensitive, he’s clearly not obsessed with his physical appearance…
Homer: [walking by] My ears are burning.
Lisa: Uh, I wasn’t talking about you, Dad.
Homer: No, my ears are really burning. I wanted to see inside so I lit a Q-Tip.
Marge: Mmm…”
Your best friends are about to start talking shit about you, burn them.
Libra 9/23-10/22 “Homer: How long have I been out here?
Bart: All night, you were yelling at the swing.
Homer: I was? But I love the swing.”
You are just fucking awesome, that is what that means.
Scorpio 10/23-11/21 “Homer: You never know when an old calendar might come in handy! Sure, it’s not 1985 right now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring?”
Stop living in the past.
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21 “Homer: I’m not gay, but I’ll learn.”
Umm take that as you want to.
Capricorn 12/22-1/19 My favorite quote of all time.
“Homer: Ahh, not a bear in sight. The bear patrol must be working like a charm.
Lisa: That’s spacious reasoning dad.
Homer: Thank you honey.
Lisa: By you’re logic, i can claim that this rock keeps tigers away.
Homer: Hmm..how does it work?
Lisa: It doesn’t work.
Homer: Uh huh.
Lisa: Its just a stupid rock!
Homer: Uh huh.
Lisa: But you don’t see any tigers around here, do you?
Homer: (looks around, thinks) Lisa, I wanna buy your rock.”
You are the smartest sign of all time.
Aquarius 1/20-2/18 “Lenny: Geez Homer, I would have thought a guy with two wives would be happy.
Carl: No, you’re thinking of someone with two knives.
Moe: (standing with two knives) I gotta tell ya, this is pretty terrific. hahaha YEA!”
Love life is looking good buddy boy.
Pisces 2/19-3/20 “Me fail English? That’s unpossible!”
You own our fucking site.
Unpossible= The next MSN
FW= Totally fucking awesome
I give you random thoughts a la FW.
For every wallet I have owned, I have lost 2. Yeah, think about that for a while.
No matter how many times you brush your teeth, they get dirty again. So what the fuck is the point?
If I was a dime, I would fucking hate nickels.
I am not a dime.
Did you know that some kids out there actually believe there is a real Santa Claus. “Oh my son is so smart!” . . . . “Does he think Santa is real?” . . . . . “Yes of course”. . . . . “What a fucking retard.”
Mastercard hates me because I keep on asking for new credit cards. In so many movies they can open doors.
Unpossible= The next MSN
FW= Let me say again, not a dime.
pjgallaga: oo ooo oooooo!
pjgallaga: we’ll just live in a perpetual 69
michy4545: yeah but won’t that make it hard to go out in public
pjgallaga: i think people would understand
I want everyone to buy me a clapper. There are like 10 things I can use this for. So everyone buy me one. Ok thanks, FW. Clap on, Clap off. . . . . . . The Clapper!!
Well, PJ has asked me to fill in for this week’s Ds&Ds because he’s a prick with “lots of work to do.” Last I checked pornography was recreational, but whatever. I don’t keep tabs on you mortals. So, yes. I had a couple photogs lying around so I agreed to try my hand at this critique business. We’ll see how it goes. I’m not much for judging.
DO
On one of my birthdays, all the angels decided it would be hilarious as fuck to play “It’s a Wonderful Life” with me and show me what it would be like if I never existed. They were right.
DON’T
Oh, shut up. He’s dead, but he’s up here with us so it’s okay to poke some fun at ol’ Juan Pablo II about this one. We like to bring it up all the time up here. It usually goes someone’ll yell out something like “Hey, JP, LOOK! IT’S THE INTERNATIONAL SYMBOL FOR PEACE!” And he’ll start swinging and then realize we’re pulling his leg. Then he’ll smile and point at us and go “Heeeehhhhh.”
