Object
Time for Fellowwalken’s random thoughts!!! Wow that sounded excited. Oh before I start I have a great quote.
“This taste like watered down Pepsi.” This was said by Cookies when she was drinking from 2 straws at once. One straw lead to some newly purchased Pepsi, while the other lead to water. You do the math.
No matter how many times I go temporarily blind from drinking it, I stand by my theory that contact solution is just water.
When people say the stupid and false stereotype that black people have big lips, I think of my friend Hatcher. Because that nigga has no lips.
Love may be made up of just 4 letters, but there is a V in there. Vs fucking rock.
Yesterday I saw a girl wearing a shirt that said “Blonde.” And I have to admit, she was right. She was blonde.
I don’t understand why beer commercials have started to talk about taste. Beer doesn’t fucking taste good. You don’t sell Viagra with commercials of babies dancing, so why this. Just show a bunch of ugly guys getting drunk and fucking hot chicks. Or those fucking frogs.
People that have no hair, are usually bald.
Unp0ssible= The next MSN
V= Fucking rock
DO
If you’re going to be a bum, at least do it in style. Right now the “Christopher Lloyd’s career got even worse” look is in. But even though he’s rocking that shit, motherfucker could still use a hot meal and maybe a flux capacitor.
DON’T
That’s right we’re talking about you, jackass. As if 9/11 wasn’t already rammed down our throats by the media (and soon the film industry), we need you on your satchel-fueled urban quest to remind everyone exactly why we got attacked: You.
While it is true that I have been at the end of FW’s “sword” many a time, I must say that I remain quite alive.
DOs and DON’Ts will be posted tomorrow due to unforseeable circumstances. My sincere apologies.
 | Cocaine!
Monday August 29th 2005, 10:50 am
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With PJ being slain at the end of my sword, I am here to pick up the slack. I mean, I did kill the fucker.
With the addition of massive amounts of weed and crack into my life, I have started to become a bit more paranoid. I mean how can one not be paranoid after the lovely glow of cocaine wears off and you are sitting naked in Prince’s house, you start to notice shit. Whales cant fucking swim, first off. If I cant swim, then a fucking 4000 ton behemoth cant jump in and start doing handstands. Honestly that is all I got, those fucking whales.
Unp0ssible= The next MSN
Whales= Big sexy swimmers
In a new segment I like to call “Dear Lager,” I will answer letters from our readers.
“Dear Lager,
“I really like this girl at school. What should I do?
-Don Juan”
Dear Don Juan,
Don’t touch her breasts. Don’t masturbate in front of her. For the love of God, don’t take off your shirt; your nipples are the size of dinner plates and you’ll definitely gross her out. Don’t talk, you’ll say something stupid and vulgar. For $4.95 I can mail you a book of cookie recipes. Just send a self addressed envelope to 2735 Chestnut Manor, Converse, TX 78223. Better yet, go there and i’ll kick your ass and then you’ll think twice about hitting on a girl that’s way out of your league. Your best bet is to hang out at your local middle school and hope a budding slut will go out with you because you’re older and she thinks that’s cool. “If there’s grass on the field, play ball.” Thanks for writing.
I get lazy sometimes, so enjoy bitches!
[18:38] mishimason04: i want a job in toys r us
[18:38] mishimason04: so i can get paid for being a kid forever
[18:38] FellowWalken: that would be amazing
[18:39] mishimason04: wouldn’t it though?
[18:39] FellowWalken: yes it would
[18:39] mishimason04: i’d ride bikes down the isles…build barbie dream houses
[18:39] mishimason04: lego islands
[18:39] FellowWalken: i would always play with one toy
[18:39] mishimason04: big dreams man, big dreams
[18:39] FellowWalken: and everyone would be scared of me
[18:40] FellowWalken: then they would never fire me
[18:40] mishimason04: what toy would it be?
[18:40] FellowWalken: a rubic cube
[18:41] FellowWalken: i would never finish it
[18:41] FellowWalken: but i would yell at people who tried to touch it
[18:42] mishimason04: good choice, and very understandable
[18:42] mishimason04: i hate the bastards who spent a lonely childhood figuring out that thing and now do it in like 2 seconds
[18:43] FellowWalken: yeah, anyone that can do it. Doesnt fucking impress me
[18:44] mishimason04: it impresses me and i hate them for it, because i don’t want to be impressed
[18:44] FellowWalken: i bought one once, they come already done
[18:44] FellowWalken: so I never touched it
[18:44] FellowWalken: and lied to everyone
[18:45] mishimason04: haha! brilliant
Unp0ssible= The next MSN
Rubic Cube= Fuck you
Its a couple of hours late, but it is here. Random Thoughts a la FW.
I don’t understand why baseball players cant take steroids. I want to see a 350 pound man with arms like a fucking tree. And I want to see that man hit the ball out of the fucking state, and if he doesn’t hit a home run he is just out.
If you played poker with everyone’s cards showing, it would be a lot easier.
Water coolers got it bad. They are supposed to keep shit cold, against all odds. Bitchass refrigerators get the help of electricity. Coolers get some fucking ice sometimes. Refrigerators can fucking make ice!! God bless all the coolers out there.
I never understood the theory behind being ugly.
No matter how many times you fuck a bird, you wont be able to fly.
Unp0ssible= The next MSN
Steroids= The same thing as Flintstones vitamins.
The sound grew louder and soon they were all enveloped in a cacophony that chilled them to the bone. There was a moment of calm immediately preceding utter panic and a complete loss of hope. The world was swallowing their existence, and there was no one to save them. No one to call for. Their only choice was to wait for it. Wait for the ultimate answer. Wait for death. Relect on life.
Hunter thought of his children. Then darkness. Cynthia thought of the trip to Paris she never made. Then darkness. Steven thought of his girlfriend and the last time they kissed. Then darkness.
The void welcomed them all, and immediately told them to stop being pussies.
DO
This is one of those girls where you’re hanging out at her place minding your own business, having a good time because she’s kinda quirky, and before you know it, you’re eating her out in her family room like gangbusters while her brother’s in the next room playing Frogger. Then later on you’re walking home and you think, “Hey, wait a minute…I didn’t fuck her!” That’s how the phrase “Don’t you feel crunchy” got invented.
DON’T
This was like seeing your own reflection in a black mirror of Hell. Here I am trying to take a picture for my faux fashion critiques segment and this asshole was taking pictures of me like I was the freak. I was mortified until I thought of a word that more accurately described how I felt.
| FW’s Box
Thursday August 18th 2005, 11:35 pm
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And today on the mystery box!! Well I guess before I begin I should tell you fine folks out there, just what this is all about. I will start from the start. When I learned that one of my days would be thursday, I realized that I was only good at one thing. Random Thoughts, and me being good at that is still up in the air. So I basically made up a name and gave it to PJ. I wanted it to give me options so I went with mystery box. And with my name being FW, FW’s mystery box was born. I then stalled for about 2 weeks until I actually came up with an actual idea. Then it hit me while I was watching a low scale porn on cinemax. I will write about what I see on TV. Now you know the concept, let’s see it in practice.
I am flipping through channels wondering just what I am going to watch, when I see some boobies. Now like most men, I stop and at least grade the boobies. I am sad to report that the boobies were taken away from me very quickly. The man was spent and the scene was over. The movie continued and the promise of more boobies, maybe even better ones kept me watching. I was delighted to see that 3 young females walked into the scene, which was set in a kitchen. A normal, everyday kitchen, so this could happen to you. If you own a kitchen. Anyways, they are in their cute little PJs, and looking for a snack. They look for some ice cream, but they are all out. I fell your pain. But on the counter there are literally 20 bottles of chocolate syrup and 20 bottles of whip cream. The dialogue starts.
Sexy woman1: Oh no!! We are all out of ice cream
Sexy woman3: No way! What do we do now?
Sexy woman2: Look at all this chocolate and whip cream.
Sexy woman1: Lets get naked and put it on each other.
Sexy woman3: Then we can eat it off each other.
Sexy woman2: Sounds like fun.
I promise you that is exactly how it fucking went. For the next 2 minutes they lightly put some of it on each other and lick it off. Then it gets out of control. They start to really pour this stuff all over each other, and the licking has stopped. It is all rubbing. They just keep rubbing gallon after gallon of this shit all over themselves, until the scene ends. God bless you whip creamed/chocolate covered porn stars. You have a place in my heart forever.
Unp0ssible= The next MSN
Me= In love with cinemax
