From now on I will have a Love/Hate scale for Lager. 0- Being full on hatred, and a 10 being the kind of love that can only be known by watching the movie Ghost. That guy came back from the dead to see his woman. And went inside Whoopi’s body, if I have been told about the movie correctly. Today the scale is at 5. You need no reasons. Just know that it is 5. Oh and of course all of our readers, are more than welcome to tell me about their scale for Lager, or any of us. Except me, I demand only love scales.
Very recently I broke a fucking backboard while playing basketball with baseball playing kids. Now for once on this site I am not lying about this. PJ will back me up, he saw the metal backboard in half. When I got back to San Antonio, I went to play some basketball with my friends T and Eric. After a little 3-3 some little kids came over and asked to play. It was your basic four 20 year old men against 7 little kids with cleats on. Well I wanted to look cool and went up for a monster dunk. When I did, I was surprised to see that I came down with the rim also. Now for those of you that don’t know me. I am 6’4, white, and I weigh around 165. I am basically the skinniest man in the world. With a head the size of most large watermelons, you didn’t need to know that. But my friend Trisha will love that quote. Back to my point. When it comes to dunking, I am fucking Shaq. I broke a fucking metal backboard in half. I am a manbeast. A fucking metal backboard!
Unp0ssible= The next MSN
Fellowwalken= Backboard’s only fear.
Thine writer of randomness Tit Le hath incurred mine scrutiny and wrath.
That basically means I’m calling out Tit Le to do my bidding on Earth, and more specifically, this website.
Every so often I will give the titted one an unp0ssible assignment to test her might and mettle. What is to be gained, you ask? Sex. How, you ask again? I’m God. That’s how.
So for your first unp0ssible assignment, Tit Le, I challenge thee to dance with words. What does that mean? Shit…God doesn’t even know. Good luck, Breast.
These pics were stolen from a site that stole them from another site so I think that means we can laugh and point from behind a pane of immunity glass
- Ed.
DO
This is a case of necessity being the mother of invention. Just look at this guy’s girl. You know she’d be pantsing this guy every chance she got if he was wearing a normal Speedo. That’s funny after the first couple times, but SIXTEEN TIMES? That’s when you have to start inventing shit or just dump the bitch. This guy has engineered a swimsuit which combines functionality (you can’t see his schlong can you?) with a nod to 19th Century boxing (suddenly your Antoine Carr throwback doesn’t seem so obscure, huh?). That’s just ingenuity. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was made of space age materials.
DON’T
When I have to worry about your wellbeing on an escalator or can’t take you anywhere with shag carpeting there’s probably something wrong with your style. To top it off, people are calling you Parrot Hilton behind your back, and you’re drawing hella-attention to your toes which are probably the least attractive part of the human body (other than elbows) and the most useless part of you to me. At least with those on the fingers there’s something to work with in a handjob fantasy. Even if you could please a man with your feet, you couldn’t do it on an escalator or shag carpet so life’s just not worth living.
Oh by the way the new day for random thoughts is Monday, mainly because on Friday’s night I go to bed really early. Get this man some milk, and the turn the TV to Nick at Night. Cheers to you Ted Danson, cheers to you. Well looking down at my pocket watch, it is Monday. On with Random Thoughts.
I was walking by a big dog yesterday, and my friend told me that they can smell fear. What a fucking idiot.
I have a big question to ask. If a washer washes clothes, and a dryer dries clothes. Oh wait nevermind.
President Bush smiles more than any human being in the world.
I love all of you reading this, except you.
How in the fuck do computers work?
Women can do a lot of things better than men, but do they have a penis? Check and mate.
Do women with the name Ethel come out of the womb at the age of 50? Because if so that is amazing.
How the fuck would you handcuff a man with one arm? *From Scottie*
I am half Asian and I am sad to report, once and for all, the stereotype is true.
I cant top that.
Unp0ssible= The next MSN
Random Thoughts= The best thing about Mondays, other than *something cool that happens on Mondays, but that is also kinda funny. But not too clever, just kinda clever. But not clever, like I am trying to be really smart and funny. So yeah, that.
I read a funny thread on the IMDB messageboards for Revenge of the Sith about the infamous Vader “NoooOOOoooooOOOO!” I thought it might be funny to see what we could come up with adding that to an everyday situation. I’ll start.
You walk in on Michael Douglas shtooping Catherine Zeta-Jones.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
you know those days when you wake up curbside with a cigarrette still hangin out your mouth and life just doesn’t seem worth living? well imagine being homeboy over here:
you’re just walking to your rusty, 30 year old ford, singing
chacaron and the panama canal explodes. what do you do?! just scream “no me gusta” and cling to your junker for dear life.
i love sloths! now i know thats enough to be an entry all on its own, but i shall elaborate on my love for the one great animal known as the SLOTH! Oh mr sloth how i love thee let me count they ways…
1.they are absurdly lazy, yet finessly accomplishing all the things i wish i could do
2.i only truly love the three-toed sloth, which makes them clearly related to teenage mutant ninja turtles, and anything that is close to my dear rafeal is GREAT in my book
3.the digestive process can take as long as a month or more to complete, A MONTH! man with every new fact comes a level of being impressed that i have never experienced
4.Sloths move only when necessary and then very slowly…wow
5. and finally…When sloths have sex, it takes them 3 days because they are so slow… that right 3 whole days, my god i love sloths!!!!!!
DO
When you look like a polar bear you can get away with shit like tap dancing while you’re supposed to be working. Who’s going to tell a polar bear to stop dancing? You? I didn’t think so. That’s the only reason ICEE is still around. Nobody wants that bear to stop.
DON’T
Child molestors have enough bad ideas swirling around them without complicating things further by dressing like their victims. How much camoflauge do you need when your prey is easily hypnotized by crap like Digimon?
Pay heed and bare witness to the truths that lie herein.
I stole that opening line from the popular PC game Diablo because I can do that.
The reemergence of FellowWalken couldn’t have come at a better time; for I have an announcement to make. From this day forth there shall be funny, and the funny shall never cease. These last three days have been Hell, and that’s because I’m God.
Let
There
Be
Funny
Finally I have made my way the fuck overdue return to unp0ssible. I must say that I am quite sorry for the lack of updates on my part. The main problem being that I didn’t have a computer to use. If you ever get drunk, remember that computers don’t like the taste of red kool-aid no matter how many times they beep. Well look for me soon, I shall back to updating a fucking storm.
Unp0ssible= The next MSN
Kool-Aid= The best computer virus.
